Clueless in Paris, or, Angst in France

And remember, May your stuffing be tasty/ May your turkey be plump/ May your potatoes and gravy/ Have nary a lump/ May your yams be delicious/ And your pies take the prize/ And may your Thanksgiving dinner/ Stay off your thighs!

Seriously, have a good one, be thankful, and stay safe.

I found Halloween stuff! We went to Tuttifiesta, a party-supply store in Paris on the rue Saint-Ferdinand(didn't even know party-supply stores existed over here) and there they were! Tons of spooky stuff -- ghosts, plastic spiders, squeaking rats, cobwebs, pumpkin garlands, witch hats, vampire teeth, balloons, plastic skeletons, we bought them all! Halloween, here we come!


There is nothing that gives more assurance than a mask.
-- Colette

I tried to buy some Halloween decorations for a kid's party yesterday but there was not a spider web or ghost costume to be seen in any of the stores I visited. There was a pumpkin in the grocery store, but it was for making soup! Halloween was really popular here for a few years, to my delight, but there was a big backlash against this so-called American holiday, and now it has fizzled out. That's too bad. Kids seemed to love it. Well, I guess that's that. No more witches and goblins and bon-bons and ringing doorbells. Halloween has been chased out with a broom. But ... shhhh ... don't tell them that Halloween was supposedly celebrated by the Celts in France!

"I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion." Henry David Thoreau

Another train strike on Tuesday. I'm not sure what they're striking about this time. Perhaps somebody stepped on a conductor's foot? Stole their sandwich from the break room refrigerator? At least by law they now have to give you a couple days warning. It's too bad those who can change the laws don't have to take public transport!

Anyway, it seems like there's a strike every day here. There's even a web site listing the strike(s) of the day! The solution? Stay at home in the comfy chair!

“Commuter trains are packed with voyeurs of a similar bent.”
Nigel Andrew

Woke up to 3° C outside,and could not find my coat. Went with Chloé to Paris at seven. Did some editing, or, rather, sat there in front of the computer and procrastinated. Waited like a dummy in freezing wind for the post office to open at 1:30, until somebody pointed out the sign on the door: closed this afternoon. Finally, I went to the jewelry store and got my left ear pierced with a third hole so it matches the right one, which has three holes, but I needed that like I need a hole in my head. Now it's time for a cup of coffee.

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. (Albert Schweitzer)

Went to Dr. "Tubes" yesterday and got the old ear and snozzle checked out. The ear is on its way to healing and I should be able to hear, one of these days. He was vague. Went to the grocery store for apples, and came out with a bagful of stuff, but no apples. Rebooted laptop six times. Wrote a nasty email to health insurance company, deleted it, wrote a nicer one. All and all, a satisfactory day.

"But my thoughts ran a wool-gathering; and I did like the countryman, who looked for his ass while he was mounted on his back."
Cervantes (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra)
Don Quixote (pt. II, ch. LVII)

Something very unusual happened to me today. I went into a pharmacy to buy some Tylenol and toothpaste, and the pharmacist began to ask me all sorts of questions, where was I from, and how did I like living in France, and how long have I lived here -... I was surprised by her friendliness. Not that the French aren't friendly, but you get used to everybody being so grim all the time.

“Strangers are friends you have yet to meet” (Anon.)

This is great, but why is it "strange and unusual"?

Strange and Unusual
Blind News Anchor
Mike Adams Created: 9/13/2009 9:51:18 AM Updated: 9/13/2009 9:55:12 AM

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/strange/news-article.aspx?storyid=144888&catid=82

I'm glad my cold didn't turn out to be the swine flu, the H1N1 virus, which is making big headlines here. Some French schools have had to close classes, and the French Ministry of Health recommends that people refrain from giving one another cheek kisses. It's gotten so bad that our local high school is actually installing soap and paper towel dispensers in the restrooms.

No more sore throat, but I have been struck voiceless! Fichtre! Very frustrating. I feel like Marcel Marceau. I wish the loved ones would quit laughing at me as it is not funny. Still scratching my head over this ping.fm. I'd like to post to FB ...and LJ at the same time, there must be a way. Ah, I hear the coffee machine whispering my name!

Still have a sore throat this morning, but no swine flu. Trying to cure it with an ancient remedy: extra strong espresso. Coffee cures many ills! Played with an iPhone yesterday and I want one even more. Pauline sighed and said I'd never figure it out, and she's probably right. Put away my shorts and sandals yesterday and of course it's going to be unseasonably warm next week!

Thought I'd drop in and say "bonjour." 'Tis smack in the middle of the summer, for Parisians, that is. Four more weeks until the Rentrée, the new year, when everybody comes back from holiday tanned and in a good mood (well, in theory), school starts, traffic starts getting backed up, and everything goes back to the way it was in June. Alas!

One more week until we're off to Arcachon, where we spent our summer holiday last year. I know my way around the little town now. I know where to find the marché, the supermarket, the boulangerie. Oh, and the ATM machine, very important.

Thursday we're going to Paris Plage, which is a real "beach" set up in the center of Paris on the banks of the Seine, complete with I-don't-know-how-many tons of sand, palm trees, music, chaise lounges, and other beachy things I will describe later. There is supposed to be a heat wave coming, so maybe it will be like touring hell, we shall see.

There was a little drama this week, I accidentally forgot to feed the goldfish I was supposed to be babysitting -- oops -- so I had to go out and buy a replacement one. The new fish is much smaller, and I did not lie, I did not say that this fish was the same fish that had somehow shrunk. It all worked out in the end, to the satisfaction of all parties, not including, of course, the dead fish.

I guess that's all there is. Not much, I know, but hey, it's summer, and I'm slackin'!


Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability. ~Sam Keen

There's nothing I hate more than the blue screen of death, except, maybe, a mouthful of raw garlic!

I just got back from a weekend in Angoulême, in the southwest of France, home of the yearly "International Cartoon Festival" held in January, I think. I like old Angoulême and its narrow cobblestoned streets, lined with restaurants and cafés and little shops. The ambiance reminds me of the Latin Quarter in Paris. There were some Americans at the hotel, business people, I think. It was odd to hear American voices in the dining room, but the hotel restaurant did serve bacon and sausage and eggs, which were delicious. The coffee was terrible, though.

I do not, however, enjoy the long car ride down there, nor do I like the smelly roadside restrooms with the Turkish toilets! But one can't have everything, right?

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. Lin Yutang

Get out those hotdogs and hamburgers, it's Bastille Barbecue Day! It's not supposed to rain on the parade, but you never know. When I was working my office was near the Champs-Elysées and a few days before the parade they'd have a rehearsal. The fighter jets would fly over, so low that it felt like you could almost reach up and touch them.

Went to the Paris Opera the other night. I was afraid it was going to be a 63 euro nap, but it was actually quite nice. I didn't hear anybody snoring like I did when we saw Verdi.

Must away, coffee and comfy chair are calling!


“Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings.” Robert Burns (Scottish national Poet of Scotland, who wrote lyrics and songs in the Scottish dialect of English. 1759-1796)

I've found something I didn't even know existed -- the bottom of my inbox!

It has been very warm here. Not that I'm complaining. I just wish the trains and the métro were air-conditioned. You feel so slimy when you get out.

I lost my right arrow key. After the coffee fiasco it was being repaired when it flew across the room, never to be seen again. I have a feeling it was eaten by the vacuum cleaner. Now all I have left is this little rubbery thing and I have to jam my fingernail into it in order to get it to work. I'm going to have to replace the keyboard, I fear. It's all full of canary seeds, anyway.

Well, I've reached the bottom of my coffee cup, so I'm off for a refill!


"But they are useless. They can only give you answers."
Pablo Picasso, about computers

As I was sitting here in the coffee-stained comfy chair, writing an email and minding my own business, the canary dared to fling a seed at my computer. I heard it land somewhere on the keyboard. I wonder if he is trying to tell me something? (Probably, "Let me out of this cage, you jerk!") Why don't I just move the cage, you ask? Because I know he'd get lonely if he wasn't next to the comfy chair. I only wish he didn't enjoy throwing seeds at the computer, or taking a bath and shaking his feathers everywhere. Thus, the life of a bird. Any suggestions for a name? Hyacinth?

P.S. I had coffee grains in my coffee this morning. I must be doing something wrong. Hmmm.

“I wish you could make a friend of me, Lizzie. Do you think you could? I have no more of what they call character, my dear, than a canary-bird, but I know I am trustworthy.”
Charles Dickens quotes

I've not been writing much in my LJ because I've been playing around on Facebook. Facebook is fun for all ages! How did I waste my time before I discovered Facebook? Reading? Writing books? Hmmm. I still haven't figured out the point of Twitter.

My ballet performance was uneventful. I downed two Xanax to help with the stage fright, put on that stupid tutu and danced away. I thought I would blank out and forget the steps, as I did during every rehearsal, but my fellow dancers helpfully guided me through the dance, "Go left, go right, over here! Pssst!"

We now have three coffee pots since the beloved Nespresso machine went kaput. We have a so-called "normal" coffee pot, a new Nespresso machine (capsules -- you know, Nespresso, what else?) and a monster espresso machine. All three are shiny red, like Cadillacs. It's simply coffee heaven! Don't ask me why we have three coffee pots. It's like asking somebody, why do you breathe?

Speaking of COFFEE, I spilled an entire cup of the stuff (demitasse, luckily)on my laptop keyboard. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I wiped it off the best I could, turned it upside down and let it dry. Incredibly, it still works, except the right arrow key, but I think that's because there's a canary seed lodged somewhere beneath it. I need to get one of those spray cans and blast all the seeds out of my keyboard. Hint: keep your canary away from your computer!

Until next time,

All the best!

Schlendrian You wicked child, you disobedient girl,
oh! when will I get my way;
give up coffee!

Lieschen Father, don't be so severe!
If I can't drink
my bowl of coffee three times daily,
then in my torment I will shrivel up
like a piece of roast goat.

J.S. Bach, "Coffee Cantata" BMV211

Excuse my French, but fuck a duck, could not get into my account for the longest time due to some dumb form you had to fill out, which refused to let me fill it out. Finally, I exist!

I can't write today as I'm in a bad mood.

I saw this on WikiHow:

"Blind people can not see you, however, they can smell so when interacting with a blind person it is important to shower."

No comment.

“Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.”
Bill Watterson

Dispatch from the Comfy Chair!

Seven weeks since I last updated this LJ? It can't be. But, that's what it says when I log in. Where has the time gone?

Today is Starbucks Day. I haven't been to Starbucks in ages. Seven weeks, exactly. Just kidding. I've been going to this little French café -- I sometimes go there in the morning to have my petit café and read when the place is empty. There's always a crowd at the bar in the back. It's wonderful to hang out in cafés now that they've banned smoking. Before the law went into effect, the non-smoking area consisted of one table in the corner near the kitchen door.

My canary died sometime during the night. I just noticed a while ago. I didn't hear him moving around the cage like he usually does, cheeping and hopping. Sad. He was kind of scruffy with old age but he did sing a few good songs.

I acquired two diamond doves, Colombo and Dr. Carter. They're in a cage in my office. I'm planning to move them outside in an aviary for the summer, as soon as it warms up. I already have two aviaries (is that a word or am I mixing French and English?). My neighbors love me. Anyway, at the first light of dawn, my doves start hoo-hooing happily! To me, it's beautiful, but my family hates me.

I'm still getting up at four (not on purpose) and writing. Needless to say, I'm getting a lot done! I've tried melatonin but it doesn't work. Sleeping pills work ... but I get up at five feeling groggy. I guess I'm just one of those annoying people who get by on little sleep.

My broken toe has healed nicely, considering that I never went to the doctor and continued to dance on it despite the searing pain. It feels like it's straight. Well, in truth, none of my toes is really straight. My feet are so ugly they'd scare your pants off.

Must away, time for café! I will try to post more often.

“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
W. C. Fields

I got kicked off the train this morning halfway home. The train stopped at Ermont because "it was late." Yes, that's what came over the speaker. I was able to find the right platform and I didn't have to wait very long for another train, but I was still hopping mad because it was raining and there is no shelter.

We took the train in with my neighbor, who is an interpreter, on her way to a international business meeting of gas station owners, her head full of gas station vocabulary. I was glad I was not on my way there.

Later, I was in the métro and we were all squished together and sweating like pigs, when a shouting match broke out on the other side of the car. A man bellowed, "When the train is crowed we do not sit! We stand to make room for others! It is written right here!" He was right, but, for cripe's sake, he didn't have to scream it!

Still have not seen head or tails of the big parakeet. I guess he was never mine.

“I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.”
Yogi Berra